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How to Avoid Getting Dropped

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How to Avoid Getting Dropped

Fake it til you get good enough at faking it that you don’t need to get any better.

Aaron Rickel Jones
Nov 9, 2020
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How to Avoid Getting Dropped

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  • Make sure you’re the only person on the ride who knows the route, that way if your friends drop you they are lost.

  • Ride alone.

  • “Forget” to record on Strava. Ask the ride leader to add you afterward. Claim their average speed as your average speed.1

  • When you get dropped on a hill, remind everyone you are a sprinter not a climber.

  • When you get dropped on a flat, remind everyone you are a climber not a sprinter.2

  • Get slower friends.

  • Blame your turtle pace on equipment, nutrition, sleep, the weather, your significant other, the stock market, or the fact that Mercury is in retrograde.3

  • Buy a more expensive bike. Change nothing about your riding habits. Wonder out loud why you’re still getting dropped.

  • Loudly declare “this is a no drop ride” before every ride.

  • Ride an E-Bike and hope nobody notices. Carry a bluetooth speaker to drown out any E-assist noises.4

  • Fake a mechanical whenever you are about to get dropped.

  • Emphatically declare you didn’t get dropped and refuse to acknowledge anyone who says otherwise. Remain in denial until everyone forgets.5

  • Switch to a sport where your friends can’t leave you behind even if they want to, like high diving or roped glacier travel.

1

only works retroactively.

2

avoid using both this excuse and the previous excuse on the same ride.

3

nobody will check you—nobody actually knows when that happens.

4

depending on music selection, speaker could be worse than electric motor.

5

if it worked for the President of the United States it can work for you too.

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How to Avoid Getting Dropped

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